The Broken Seires
by Even Roses Bleed
Summary: My take on "Showtime." What if Spike couldn't make it alone? What if Buffy had cared more for Spike? SB. Please R&R.
1. I Wanted you to Know

Disclaimer: They'd be mine if it weren't for copyright infringement! Ok, Joss is the lord of all, worship him I say! And all titles of this piece are parts of the Seether song "Broken," you can hear it with Amy Lee from Evanescence on the Punisher soundtrack, or check out the Seether website! A.N. Please R&R, so if you read it, you MUST review, that's the rules.

_**I Wanted You to Know**_

His weight hung on her tired shoulders. She jostled his body, bringing it up higher. She was so tired, but she couldn't stop, she had to get him home. She had to make him better, he was her only tie to anything. Her hand tightened its grip around his bloodied waist, her other holding his mangled arm. She couldn't believe that so much had been done to him, and yet he was still here.

But that must have been the sick idea, she thought, keep him alive, torture him within an inch of his unlife, taunt him with visions of her. Bring back what he had forgotten, only to use it to hack through the thin webbing that was his soul, and unleash the demon. Show it all to him again, put that pain in his body, so even if he did survive, he'd only want to die when he awoke. But she wouldn't let him do that, he was going to live through it, stay with her, he had to.

Lost in her own thoughts, she didn't watch the road, and didn't see the uneven patch of earth. She clutched his body as they fell to the ground. She skidded across the pavement, scratching up her arms. She curled her body up into a ball, and lay there, until the motion stopped. She slowly uncurled herself, and lay motionless. But something sparked her brain. 'Spike!' She quickly scrambled up, and crawled over to his prone body and checked him for anymore damage.

Relief spread through her body as she realized there was nothing more than what was already there. But the dread soon came back, because she didn't know if she could pick him up again, she needed help. Help was something she didn't have though. She laid her tired head upon hid bare chest, and cried. Her tears ran, full of exhaustion, and hurt, and pain, and loss, and simply because she had given up. Like when Glory had taken Dawn, she simply had no fight left, no drive.

The voice in her head was screaming in desperation at her to pick herself up, and help the man she cared so deeply for, she'd gotten so far, she couldn't give up now. But she could, and she had. The tears had made clean rivers through the dirt and grime on her face, and small clean spots across Spike's beaten chest. For once, her strength had become her enemy. She did too much, no one, even a Slayer should have lasted as long on just adrenaline, as she had.

A small, pitiful moan escaped from Spike's bloodied and cracked lips, almost a whimper.

Buffy immediately knew it was one of pain, and that was her inspiration. She had to save this man, her own despair and fatigue could wait, because for know, it wasn't her that mattered, it was Spike. She couldn't give up on him. He would not suffer more because of her. Buffy gritted her teeth, and pulled herself up.

She hoisted Spike back up over her shoulder, and continued the trek home. Then, she saw her beacon of hope, her light in this hazy darkness, a pay phone. She ambled over to the booth, and leaned Spike against its wall. She dug into her pocket, and pulled out the needed change, she put it in the slot, and dialed the first number she thought of.

"Yeah?" Xander's sleepy voice came over the phone.

"Xander, thank God you're there, I need a ride!"

"Oh, sure Buff," The sound of someone tripping, "Ack! Uh, where are you?"

She looked around for a land mark to tell him, "On the corner of Pine and Collins. By the old gas station."

"Right sure, I know that place," Xander said, "Wait, didn't you leave to get Spike?"

"I've got Spike, that's why I need a ride!"

"Shit, okay, I'll be there as soon as I can!"

"Thanks Xander, see you soon."

"Ok," There was a short pause, "Um, how is he?" Came a tentative voice,

"Bad," Buffy said simply, but her tone gave away more than a picture could.

"Right," Said Xander, "I'm leaving now, Bye."

"Bye Xan," Buffy hung up the phone, a new hope flaring in her.  
  
"Oh man," Was Xander's only reaction to Spike's state.

"Drive," Buffy said, sitting in the back seat, pulling Spike's head into her lap. The drive continued in silence, but a small whimper came from Spike. "Shh baby," Buffy consoled, "You're ok now, you're safe." She stroked his wild hair from his face, smoothing out the worried creases in his forehead.

_His bonds cut into his flesh, as he hung from the rock wall. His whole being screamed in pain, but his mouth stayed shut, and he stayed silent. Buffy walked into his chamber, at least The First as Buffy. He whimpered in fear, and pushed himself back into the hard wall. _

_'Buffy' frowned, and walked toward him. She reached up and pretended to run her hands through his hair. "Shh baby," She told him, "You're ok now, you're safe." Her voice sounded so caring, but her evil smirk after her words showed her true form. She snapped her fingers, and her pet ubervamp walked in, stalking towards Spike. "Oops, guess you're not." Buffy smirked. _

_As the ubervamp reached to rip Spike down, a small body barreled it over. _

_The real Buffy pounded it, fighting with her whole being. Her whole being though, just wasn't enough. _

_The ubervamp quickly gained the upper hand, and threw her against a wall. _

_"No," Spike croaked, "No, leave her alone." _

_Buffy's leg twisted in an odd angle under her body, obviously broken. She looked up at the ubervamp in pure terror, "Spike!" She screamed, "Help me!" _

_Spike tugged against the harsh leather straps, "Buffy!" He shouted, "Get away from her you bastard!" _

_"Spike!" Buffy screamed again, the ubervamp getting slowly closer. _

_"Buffy! No! Stay away from her, it's me you want!" _

_The First walked up to him, "Not anymore sweetie, we think it'd be better for you to watch the woman you love get ripped to pieces, while you just stand here, unable to help her." She smiled that evil smile at him again. _

_"Spike!" Buffy was sobbing now, but it was too late. _

_The ubervamp picked her up from the ground, and sunk his fangs into her neck. _

_As the life was drained from her Spike thrashed against the wall, "No!" He screamed, as her body dropped to the ground, her eyes still open. _

Spike's whimpers grew louder, and sounded like those of fear.

"He alright?" Xander asked from up front.

Buffy ignored him, more concerned about Spike hurting himself.

"No," Spike mumbled, "Leave...her...'lone," He thrashed in Buffy's lap, trying to get away from her hands keeping him still. "Buffy," He said desperately, "Get...away...her...bastard," His voice was strangled, and urgent.

"Spike," Buffy said, still trying to control him, "Calm down baby."

"Buffy," He said again, more desperate than before, "No...stay...'way from 'er, me you want..."

He was dreaming about her, she knew it. Nightmare from the sound of it, he was trying to save him from some unknown evil. She couldn't blame anyone for having nightmares after what Spike went through, but she had to keep him still.

"Spike," she said again, "Wake up!"

"No!" Spike screamed, and sat straight up. He looked at Buffy, and scrambled away from her, falling to the floor of the car. "This is all an illusion, you, you can't touch me." Spike scoffed, trying to act tough, trying to hide his fear and keep the little scared boy inside. But the boy was sitting in plain view.

Spike's pale body was beaten and mauled, he'd lost weight, and was to skinny, his ice blue eyes sparkled with unshed tears, and it was all Buffy could do not to lean down and hug him.

"Spike," She said gently, reaching her hand out.

He recoiled from her hand quickly, his eyes wide with fear, "Please," He begged, "Don't hurt me anymore."

Buffy's heart broke, and a sob caught in her throat. She placed her hand on his cheek, and he stared up at her in disbelief.

"Buffy?" He said in a small voice.

"Uh huh," She said.

He jumped into her arms, and let her hold him, "You came for me, you really came. It said you wouldn't, but, but you did." His tears finally ran out his eyes, and made small tracks down his face.

Buffy held him tightly, "I'll always come for you, I promise."

Spike whimpered, and relaxed into her embrace, his beaten body not being able to even support his own weight anymore.

She leaned forward, and whispered in his ear, "I'll always save you."

Xander deiced to give the couple their privacy, and turned on the radio.

_ I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh  
  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away  
  
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well  
  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain  
  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away  
  
You've gone away, you don't feel me, anymore  
  
The worst is over now and we can breathe again  
  
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away  
  
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight  
  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain  
  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away  
  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away  
  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away  
  
You've gone away  
  
You don't feel me here anymore _


	2. Because I'm Broken

Disclaimer: First page

A.N. Thanks for all who reviewed, if you liked it, please tell others about it. Thanks. I would also like to thank my wonderful friend, who helped me through my writers block, and wrote some of this herself, thanks tons love, hugs! Remember R&R.

_**Because I'm Broken**_

Spikes bright eyes became dull and slowly shut as he once again drifted into unconsciousness. His lithe body was stretched out across the back seat of the car, head lolling to one side as it rested on the crook of Buffy's arm.

The back of her hand stroked his cheek. That skin-so strangely soft, but not unpleasantly so.

She found herself looking at him-really looking at him-the strong slant of his nose and cheekbones, the way his alabaster skin caught the reflected light of streetlamps, his peroxide blonde hair, tousled and dirty, the gel long washed away leaving it soft and sticking up at odd angles, his pouty lips and long, dark lashed eyes almost appeared angelic in this, the subdued state of their owner.

Buffy's fingertips ghosted across his temples, and through his hair, tracing- memorizing each feature. Just in case. In case she never saw them again, in case he didn't make it, incase he-  
  
As soon as the thought became coherent in her mind, she tried to erase it. 'Don't think like that. He'll make it. Of course he'll make it.'  
  
"He has to."

The brief tic of Xander's head her direction was the only indication she might have said those words aloud.  
  
The car jerked to a stop.

"We're here," Xander informed.

They carefully pulled Spike from the car, and carried him inside.

Dawn was waiting nervously by the door, "I got your room ready for him," She said bouncing on her heels.

"Thanks sweetie," Buffy replied, "Ready Xander?"

He nodded in return, and they started towards the stairs.

They opted to turn sideways to get up. After the maze that was the stairs, they opened the door to Buffy's room.

"I can take it from here Xan, thanks for the help."

"Sure Buff," He said, starting to leave. Then he turned around and sighed, "I don't know why I'm saying this, but try to save him."

She offered him a soft smile, knowing it was hard for Xander to admit he may actually be worried for Spike. "He'll be fine."

Xander nodded, and walked downstairs.

"He has to be." Buffy said to herself, one last time.

* * *

Buffy cleaned him off as best she could. Taking care, and being so careful. She took all the dirt and blood away, from every perfect plane of his chest, and every well muscled line on his body.

Then, making sure her door was securely shut, she took a small knife from the kit, slit her wrist, and put it up to his mouth.

Even in sleep, the starving vampire's instincts took over. He latched on to her arm, and drank deep.

She pulled back before he could take too much, but saw that the minor wounds were already healing. Her tiredness, and now blood loss finally catching up, she finished up her current task, then lay her head down, and fell asleep.

* * *

Spike moaned, and slowly slipped into consciousness.

"Spike!" Buffy cried, waking up herself at the sound of his voice. "Thank God you're awake."

Spike chuckled softly, which turned into harsh coughs, "Kinda' wish I wasn't love." He said softly.

Buffy noticed that his breathing, even though unneeded, was laboring, and slowing down. "Spike, are you ok?" She asked him, her voice full of concern.

Spike shook his head no. "I'm getting worse love," He choked out, "I don't-" He fell into another fit of coughing, "I don't think I'm gonna' make it."

"No," Buffy said, offering a weak smile, "Don't say stuff like that, you'll be fine."

"No, love I-" Deep breath, shaking his head, "I'm to far gone, not even a vampire was meant to last this long. Not with all this done to me." His eyes began to drift shut; death was on his heels all his time, now it finally caught up to him.

"No, Spike you're fine, you'll be fine," Buffy pleaded with him, rubbing her hand on his too cold chest.

"Buffy," He whimpered, tears leaking from his eyes, "I don't want to leave."

"What!?" Buffy exclaimed, "No, you're not going anywhere, you can't, not when I just found you!" She was sobbing now, "You can't leave when I just realized how much I love you!"

Spike lifted his hand to her cheek, even this small gesture causing trouble, "I love you too. Don't be so afraid to open up to the next bloke who falls for you." He gave her a weak dying smile. "Promise me that you'll never forget me," He pleaded with her.

Buffy just stared at him in shock, unable to believe he was dying.

"Promise me Buffy," He said with the last of his strength.

"I promise, I promise," She told him. Then she lent down, placing one last kiss on his icy cold mouth.

He kissed her back with all he had, but he knew his time was up.

Buffy felt his lips fall away, and opened her eyes, to see the man she loved turn to ashes, and fall to her bed. Her tears mixed with the ashes of the dead vampire, the vampire that had loved with all his heart, and never found anyone to return it, until that is, it was too late.

She pushed his ashes into a small pile, then collected them in a small vase that she set on her bedside table. She picked up a rose from her another vase on her desk and laid it delicately by the one containing him. Beside this, she lit a single candle. Creating an alter to him. She lowered herself to her bed then, and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

'Where am I?' Was the first thought to pop into his head. He opened his swollen eyes, and looked at his surroundings. 'Buffy's room?' He thought, 'Right Buffy's room, the First.' He turned his head a little, whimpered in pain, and put it back down on the pillow. 'The hurting.' He looked to his side, and smiled at what he saw.

Buffy was cuddled up to him, snoring lightly. He was glad to see her get some sleep, she always look so tired these days. He just held her and watched her sleep. Her simple presence stopping the pain.

She rolled over and wriggled around. '

Dream,' Spike thought instantly. Last year they had slept enough together that he knew when she would dream.

She had been plagued by nightmares, normally of waking in her coffin, or dying again. She flipped over once more, then her eyes popped open.

She looked up at him with wide eyes. 'First!' Her head screamed, but then she realized she was being held. "Spike?" She asked him.

"Yeah?" He asked back in a hoarse voice.

"Oh my God you're still here!" She hugged him gently.

"I couldn't really move in this state love," He croaked, "Though I do feel a lot better."

"I had an awful dream," Came her voice, muffled by his chest, "You really died."

"Well I'm right here, and I don't plan on leaving." He looked down at the hand wrapped around her waist, and noticed a bandage wrapped around the wrist. "What happened here?" He asked her.

"Oh," She said, looking at it herself, "Nothing." She suddenly was acting nervous.

"Buffy, what did you-" Then it all suddenly clicked. How he felt, the bandage, the lingering taste of blood in his mouth. She had made him feed from her!

"How could you do that?" He asked her incredulously. "I can't believe this!"

"Do what?" She asked, looking down at the bedspread.

"You made me feed from you!" Spike wished he could get up and walk away from her, scream at her for doing something so stupid, but he was still too hurt, so he sat there and look away from her.

"I just wanted to save you," Buffy whispered, "Because I never did before."

Spike heard her get up and pad across the room, then he heard the door slowly close and latch.


	3. So Much Left to Learn

Disclaimer: First page.

A/N: Sorry it took so long, Uber-Writers block.

_**So Much Left to Learn**_

As Buffy walked from the room, she closed the door. She leaned her body against it, and cried. She never thought helping someone would be so bad, she didn't think he would act like that.

'He never wants help though,' She thought, 'He always has to do things himself.'

It was the rules they had placed without talking. He never expected anything back for what he did, the only thing he wanted, was to not be hated. Don't help Spike when he's beaten near death by a hell god. Use him when she was pulled from heaven, and ignore his feelings. Leave him thrashed in an alleyway for the sun to claim him. Always put the blame on him.

It was then that she realized, after all Spike has done for her, she's never done anything for him. She wouldn't even kill him when he asked her. She was not going to let him push her away for helping save his life. She wiped the tears from her eyes, and slammed the door open. She marched into the room, and the door crashed shut behind her.

Spike looked up in surprise, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, in what looked like an attempt to get up.

"You," Buffy said sternly, "Lie down."

He looked like he was about to argue, but she walked over to him, and firmly, but gently pushed him onto the bed.

"Stay right there," She commanded, and walked over to the first aid kit she had been using last night. She came back to the bed and threw off the covers; she unpacked the kit, and began redoing his bandages.

"Jesus Christ Buffy, what's gotten into you?" He asked her, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Lie down," She told him, "I am going to make you better, whether you like it or not."

"Buffy," He tried in a soft tone, "I can do this myself."

"That's why I'm doing it," She said, "I'm tired of watching you do everything for yourself, so from now on, every single scratch you get, I'm taking care of it for you, and if I hear one complaint, I'll kick your ass."

* * *

After bandaging the broken vampire he looked up with her with confusion in his eyes 

"Why are you helping me?" Spike asked softly.

"I already told you, if you choose not to listen that's fine."

"Don't have to get all shirty Slayer, simple question."

"What is shirty? Did you just make that up?" Buffy asked raising an eyebrow.

Spike thought about it, "What if I did?"

"You're such a dope sometimes," She told him.

"A dope? I never heard that one before, pet."

"First time for everything." Buffy said with a smile.

"Can I get up now?" Spike asked. "Nu uh," She said. "Oh, come on, Slayer, you got to play nurse." Spike whined, "Now my turn to play hero." Spike smirked, "But if you wanna' play nurse some more..."

Buffy rolled her eyes, yup, it was still Spike.

Spike looked up at the blond beauty standing above him offering him her help, support, and all he could ask himself was why...He could ask her too apparently. "Why are you helping me?" He asked seriously.

Buffy looked down at him, "Because I don't want you to die." She said it half jokingly.

"But I deserve to-" Spike started.

"Stop that!" Buffy yelled.

Spike looked at her with a look of confusion, "Buffy-" He started.

Buffy sighed, "You have to stop, this soul has turned you into a whiny brat!" Buffy said, "It's like your PMSing or something."

"That's just wrong." He told her.

Buffy sighed, "I'm serious." Buffy said, "You need to get your act together."

A sunken look appeared in his eyes. Spike looked at her seriously, "I really don't get you Slayer, you scream at me for not having the bloody soul, I get it and you complain about that."

"I'm just trying to-"

"Buffy, you really don't get it do you? All this, everything, I did it for you." Spike said softly like a child.

Buffy looked at him and her eyes soften.

"You call me dirt, a soulless disgusting thing, so I go and get the bleeding soul" Spike explained, "And you still aren't happy?" Spike asked his eyes narrow, "So what? What can I do?!"

Buffy looks at him her heart heavy.

Spike looks at her and sighs. He didn't want to know what was going through her head already thinking he knew. He was dirt to her and that's all he would ever be.

"I want you to be you," Buffy said, "Cause as much as I hate to admit it, I like the witty vampire who got on my nerves every three seconds."

Spike looked at her, confusion fogging his crystal blue eyes.

Buffy never really looked into his eyes before, afraid she would get lost in them.

Spike looked at her, "What are you saying exactly?" Spike asked sitting up, pain shooting threw his chest like rockets. He groaned in pain, and Buffy lightly pushed him back down.

"I'm saying," She started keeping her hand on his chest and leaning in close to him, "That I love you."

"You wanna' run that past me again?" He asked her, his voice abnormally high.

"I," She said pointing to herself with her free hand, "Love," She pointed to her heart, "You," She poked him in the nose.

"Oh," He said, his eyes where wide open, and his voice squeaked.

A laugh bubbled from her, Spike stared up at the giggling blonde above him, and prayed it wasn't a dream. Spike reached out and caressed her cheek softly making sure she was still there. That it wasn't just him imagining it. "You know, if I wasn't stuck in a bloody bed right now it would go a lot better," Spike said softly searching her eyes.

Buffy smiled warmly. "I agree." She said. Buffy lay down on the bed and rested her head on his shoulder, his arms went around her, trying to find a way that was less painful.

He leaned his head in and kissed her softly on the top of her golden locks. Then he heard soft sniffling coming from her. He propped his head up slightly to see her face, fresh tears were trailing down her cheeks. "Love?"

Buffy looked up at him, and pushed his head back down. "Shhh," She told him, "Lie down, and get some sleep."

Spike's eyes pleaded with her, "Don't leave me?" He asked her, "Please..."

"Shhh," She said again, "Never again, I'm watching over you," She told him.

Fatigue caught up with Spike in a huge wave, as all his adrenaline left his body. His eyes began to close, and he fell asleep.

Buffy watched this broken man sleep. And knew she could never leave him.

**A/N(again!): Thanks to sPikEsBaBeEgUrL (spelling/grammer?) for some of this story!**


End file.
